“I can only hope that I will continue to cope with it all as I do now.”
My son is just over 2 years old. Anyone who has a toddler knows how much energy they exude at seemingly all hours of the day. I go through a constant grieving and acceptance stage with my fibromyalgia diagnosis because I feel like less of a mother for not being able to play with my toddler the way my husband can.
I watch them wrestle and tickle each other while crawling around and feel so overjoyed at the love they share, while also simultaneously feeling as though I am failing him.
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I should be able to chase him up and down the hall as he laughs without my back seizing up. I should be able to wrestle with him without fear of being bumped in just the right spot to make me double over in pain.
I think about when he’s a teenager and has to make excuses for me to his friends as to why I’m not at a game of his and it almost breaks my heart.
I think of where I’m at now with my pain and I wonder what my quality of life will be like in five, 10, 15 years and how that will affect my son. I can only hope that I will continue to cope with it all as I do now. Taking it day by day.
I cry when I’m sad and laugh and smile through the pain. It’s all I can ask of myself. To continue being who I have always been and hope that it shines through everything else.
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